


Unicorns Have Great Gaydar

by magicsophicorn



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Swan Queen Week Summer 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-08 00:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7735345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicsophicorn/pseuds/magicsophicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma contracts a magical malady that causes her to sneeze rainbow blasting unicorns. It's almost like they're trying to tell her something...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unicorns Have Great Gaydar

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Swan Queen Week 16 - Illness. Thanks to swan_secrets for the prompt. :)
> 
> (This is probably the crackiest thing I've ever written)

Emma groaned as she rolled over in bed. Her head was pounding. She hadn't felt this rough since Ruby's bachelorette party, and she really didn't want to remember _that_ mess of a night. It was so unfair, she hadn't even been drinking last night so there was no reason for this punishment.

Without lifting her head she fumbled around on the dresser for her cell phone. She couldn't quite bring herself to care about the crash that probably meant her alarm clock was now toast.

Eventually her fingers closed around her phone and she dragged it across the pillow to her face, jabbing at the screen and squinting as the brightness assaulted her eyes.

By some minor miracle she managed to send David a 3 word text.

_Sick. Not coming._

Text sent, she dropped the phone beside her and instantly fell asleep again.

\------------

When Emma woke again her head felt mercifully less like it was about to explode. However it now felt as though there was a giant elastic band tightening around her chest. Well, you win some you lose some.

Wrapping her blanket around her shoulders like a cloak, Emma shuffled into the kitchen. Maybe some soup would make her feel better. Soup made everything better.

She had just made it into the kitchen when she felt a tickle creep through her nose. Closing her eyes Emma let loose an enormous sneeze.

Opening her eyes she found herself face to face with a sparkling white horse.

No, not a horse, a unicorn.

A freaking _unicorn_ , in her freaking apartment.

For a moment nothing and no one moved, and then all hell broke loose.

The unicorn reared up, whinnying loudly. Emma shrieked. The unicorn's hooves then landed in the centre of Emma's coffee table, sending shattered glass flying everywhere. Emma dashed towards the door and a rainbow bolt of light whizzed past her head, crashing into a framed picture of Henry.

Emma threw the door open and fled the apartment, slamming it behind her and resting against the opposite hallway wall.

Seconds later a hoof and a horn smashed through the closed door.

Emma didn't stick around after that. With a scream she would later deny, she fled the building.

\----------------------

She didn't know what the hell was going on, all she knew was that she needed Regina. Regina would know what to do, she always knew what to do.

On the way to Regina's house Emma sneezed two more times, and found herself being chased down the road by two more unicorns.

She was beginning to think the two were related.

"Reginaaaaaaaa!" She screeched at the top of her lungs as she rounded the corner onto Miflin Street.

"Reginaaaaaaaa!"

Emma jumped as another rainbow bolt of light shot past her.

Why was she sneezing out psycho unicorns that wanted to kill her? Why? Why did these things always happen to her?

As she dashed down the path to number 108 the front door opened to reveal a frowning Regina.

Here eyes widened comically as she took in the sight of Emma running towards her, remarkably still with her blanket clutched around her shoulders, being chased by three unicorns.

"Heeeeelp!"

As Emma reached her, Regina grabbed her by the shoulders and they were instantly surrounded by purple smoke.

Emma lurched forward as the smoke cleared and Regina's vault swam into view. Regina kept a tight grip on her shoulders, helping to keep her upright.

Emma's head was once again pounding.

"What…" Regina started, but seemed unable to even finish her own question.

"I have no idea," Emma groaned, "I think I'm magic sick, and when I sneeze one of those _things_ appears."

Regina began to massage her temples.

"Of course it does. Tell me Miss Swan why is it that these things always happen to _you_?" 

Emma huffed. If she knew that then she'd find a way to stop it.

She opened her mouth to make some kind of come back, but sucked in a breath instead.

Oh no.

Oh god it was going to happen again.

A look of panic flashed across Regina's face as she realised what was wrong, but it was to late.

_AAAAACCCHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!_

Emma opened her eyes to find the unicorn right in front of her, lowering its head.

When the bolt of rainbow energy shot out from its horn Emma didn't even think, she leaped into the air towards Regina, who had no choice but to catch her or be crushed.

The moment Regina's arms closed around her they were once again enveloped in purple smoke and when it cleared they ended up in a tangled heap on the ground.

Emma quickly scrambled to her feet and held out a hand to help Regina up, feeling slightly awkward and not really understanding why.

When Regina was up on her feet Emma finally looked around and realised they were in Gold's shop.

"Ladies, to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?" He crooned, making Emma jump as she stepped out of the shadows. Creepy little dude.

"Are you aware of any kind of spell or magical illness that would cause someone to sneeze out rainbow blasting unicorns?" Regina asked curtly, before muttering to herself, "I can't believe that is a sentence I have actually had to say."

Gold blinked at them, and then burst out laughing.

"I assure you it's no laughing matter, these creatures are dangerous."

Eventually Gold managed to get his laughter under control, wiping at his eyes where tears were actually streaming.

"You're gay," he finally said.

"What?" Both she and Regina asked in unison.

"You're gay, and you will continue to sneeze unicorns until you accept that fact," Gold stated simply

Emma stared at him as if he'd grown an extra head.

She wasn't gay. 

Sure she had a few girl-crushes, but that was totally normal and everyone had those. Just because she didn't really ever have any guy crushes didn't mean she was _gay_ , right?

She glanced at Regina and her heart did its usual flip-flop over how perfect her hair was, and how adorable her lip scar was, and shit she was really really gay.

Regina advanced towards Gold, a scowl on her face.

"Listen imp…"

She didn't get much further than that because Emma sneezed again and another unicorn popped into existence behind her.

"Emma!"

Suddenly the rainbow light blasts made a completely ridiculous kind of sense.

Emma closed her eyes and raised her arms as the unicorn fired one directly at her chest.

\----------------------

Emma opened her eyes slowly. She felt warm and fuzzy all over, like she was floating on a giant fluffy rainbow cloud.

Regina's face was right above her, looking down with concern.

"You're so pretty," Emma murmured, smiling happily.

"Emma are you alright?"

"I'm gay."


End file.
